If this was my last week (Challenge)

Trigger alert: This is sad

This morning I was given the challenge to contemplate, and then write down what I would do if I knew that I had seven days, then I'd die.

I've always lived with the reminder that this could be my last day, last week, last month. So in some ways, not much would change, in others... I think I'd do things very differently.

My first reaction would probably be relief. Seven days. Seven final days then that's it? No more pain, no more sickness, nothing? No more worries about the future, what I'd eat, drink, wear, live in... Nobody can do anything else to me. Even if I knew that death was fire or the electric chair... I don't think I'd care. I'd simply be relieved that this life is finally over.

Then, I'd set to work.  I would make out a list of all the people I've been meaning to write letters to, and write them. I'd tell them about the little things I'd observed in their lives, and also stress to them just how important it is to act with wisdom in each and every day's situation. Not every child's would be the same, What I'd tell Po, would in no way match what I'd tell Star or Tadpole. But I'd sit down and make sure they were all written.

Next, I'd sit down and write my different story ideas down in a notebook with as many details as I'd want in there.

After that, I'd probably go sit on the bridge, or out in a meadow by myself and just watch the birds, and butterflies. I'd spend time taking pictures and just enjoy the fresh air.

Then, I'd go home. Blast the police's rules to the moon. I'd go home. Even if it wasn't for long, I'd take a walk to all those places I loved as a child, and at some point join my family in a pile and watch a video... don't care what. Just be together would be the only thing that was important.

I think it'd be at this point the realization that I had such short amount of time left would hit me. Really really hit me. The video would go off and I'd cry into my sister's shoulder. Probably wail. Morning at just how little I get to see them. And... how soon I'd have to say goodbye until they followed me.

That night I'd probably would write blog post, after blog post. I'd message all my friends. I'd tell them just how much each one means to me. How much they've done for me. I'd apologize to all of them for my shortcomings, and forgive them for any wrongs they'd done. I'd pray for them like I never have before that they'd come to Christ, and be with me. Because I know this is it. I'd probably pray clean into the night. Each of their needs being brought before God... I think the hardest thing for me is knowing I'll watch so many of them go to hell. I have a few Christian friends, but here, I wouldn't care if they never spoke to me again. I'd bring them the gospel with every ounce of passion I possess in my body.

At some point, I'd probably crash, the next day I'd be drained and utterly exhausted. So I'd rest. Maybe paint, or journal. But keep to myself. If I ate anything, It'd be because somebody made me.

At some point, I'd visit WR... again something I'm not allowed to do because of the county. I'd spend the day grooming horses, and just enjoying my time with them.

That night I'd have chocolate ice cream. Two no-nos in one.

In the between times of not going, I'd probably still be writing. Probably sit down and write in my journal how I'd want my funeral to go.... then, I'd call up my aunt, and ensure I had time to sit down with B, and sew with her.

I'd dance, and sing, and be myself. Wouldn't care who was watching, or what they'd thought.

But when the final night came, there would be a level of grief, and a level of joy. I can't wait to be free of my pain. I can't wait to see heaven. I can't wait to spend time with my other siblings. I'd want my baby sister there. If she could be. And in those final moments... I'd be content. Yeah, I'd not achieved all I wanted to get done in my life. But most of those things are notions, and pies in the sky I'd hurt because I wouldn't have my family anymore... but I don't anyways at the moment. So no difference.

Mostly, I'd live moment by moment. Enjoying the nature, and the people around me. Eagerly awaiting the next life. Not much different than I do already.

With having one week, and only one week with my little sister... those final two days I was with her, but it was very little in the way of projects. I just wanted her close. But the emotion kept overwhelming me so I'd go on a walk to cool off. I'd probably do the same here. Not wanting my family and friends to see just how much losing them was tearing me up.

Alright, so that was... upsetting. Honest, I did cry. It's not a pleasant thing to think about. Death is a two-edged sword. I'd probably pray that God would give me a few more months. Just so I could make sure I had everyone covered, and had time to write a few poems I've been putting off. No way I could cover everything. But if I were to be given a week... that's what I'd try to do with it.

So, to pass this challenge along. I nominate Kelcy and Erudessa, and Kendra. If you had one week to live, what would you do with that time?

Cowgirl Out