The Person I Want To Be

Looking back on yesterday
I find myself in need to pray
For I have not achieved my goals
But rather have been made the fool

At four years old my dream to fly
At eight made me wish to cry
At nine my scores made me fret
At eleven I had lost the bet

The goal at twelve to have a job
At sixteen forced my brain to blob
At eighteen to college, I wished to go
Now here at twenty, the south wind blows

So looking upon age twenty-one
I pray to God a crown is won
That my life achieves the path he's set
And his word I not forget.

Lord may I not forget to dream
As my plans are ripped at seams
At four I wished to learn to drive
But now I fear to strive.

I fear the time has set me back
But yet I know this is still a path
Oh Lord give me another dream
And dish to me Your Blessed cream.

What are my dreams I wish to know?
What makes my spirit wish to grow?
Is all life here a mere empty dish?
Or is there yet a thing to wish?

I pray today for tomorrow's girl
I pray she's your eternal pearl
I pray she's grown from today's flower
And is wholly trusting in your power.

I pray today for shattered glass
The heart I had, which crumbled fast
Fix it whole, and help it love
Wash it with your eternal blood.

Fix my vice, those little sins
Make me not to wish again
Keep me pure for my wish is this
To be a bride, and find baby's kiss

Oh I know that life's not fair
That's why I lift to you this prayer
For on my own I'll never achieve
Until it's you that I believe.

I wish to build myself a work
That brings in hungry, sick and hurt
This place will be a place for those
Whos life, a challenging pose.

A Beautique that caters to the deaf, the blind
The children who challenges find
The lights too bright, the fixtures buzz
As they loom from up above.

This a dream I see someday
And this a dream, I wish to pray
For all those people I wish to touch.
This the world you loved so much.

Give me strength each every day
As I strive to you obey
Because this dream is yet so far
Today it seems so very hard.

Another dream I have in mind
A dream I fear, lest leave behind
To build a group that teaches skills
The Artisan guilds have needs to fill

How foolish my heart to wish such things
For yet another will dash my dreams
For not a week I was out of school
Then I felt like I was a tool

Two years I've spent at duldrum's door
Lord take this thought and make it no more
This thing too, you have some plans.
That'll help me achieve, turn can't to can.

The girl I'll be tomorrow's fine
Lord help her leave this guilt behind
A week from now help her find
All that joy she left behind

A month from now help me see
All the goals I then achieved.
In six help me see the change
And keep me from Satan's frame.

In a year oh let me move
My faith with mountains prove
Let me walk with my head high
And with joy, oh make me spry.

Let me not forget to rest
So I may do my very best.
Take the pain I feel today
And let it go so far away.

Five years from now Oh let me see
The changes you have done in me
Let me be a virgin in heart.
And your word I never part

I pray for now that man of mine
Who's heart forever you will bind
Give him joy as you give me
For through his life you will lead

I pray today for my legacy
All of those who'll come after me
Set your mark upon their brow
And through life, you'll show them how

Help them daily, hope will find
'Til all life's sorrows are left behind
I pray for every breath they'll breath
And your spirit they will believe.

Lord, I pray alas for me
For how I act and what believed
Keep me from all doubt and fear
And to you oh draw me near

Lord strike my life with your hand
As you shape me by your plan
Mold my heart into your ways
That I do not fret, nor be afraid.

Help my heart to ever be
Exactly what you wish for me
Oh help me to not forget
That you are not done with me yet

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Not one of my best poems... rough around the edges. But I feel it needed to be written. Even if it's just a landmark going forward. This week passed 2 years of having graduated from high school... I've not touched my bucket list from that day. Too busy surviving the hurricane of unfortunate events. It's frustrating I'm looking at another milestone, and I'm even farther behind from where I want to be than I was at 18.8 graduating. It's infuriating. I'm not, nor never will be a breadwinner. I simply can't keep up.

I've had half a week with my little sister. Ran me raggid, I'm so tired, but we got stuff done. Not anything off MY list. But everything off her's.

Going to sign off now

Cowgirl VK Out