Monday, April 9, 2018

So... Dad's in the Hosital

This is just a quick update.

Pray for my family and I. My dad's health has been rocky for the past 8 years. But this past week he started getting a pain in his chest... He went to the ER, but they found nothing. Blamed Gas.

Today, he went back in because he was in EXTREME pain... long story short he's getting his gall bladder removed.

He is the only driver in the family, Mom's eyes, I've got anxiety and fainting spells, and he's never bothered to teach Kendra... and we are trying to get into a house.

I know God's going to work through this. But I'm tired and frustrated. Please pray for us. This is causing all kinds of emotional issues for me. And... kish I want it to be over already. But I know Dad does as well double time.


Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Greaving Toffee

She loved to play

Few weeks old

 Getting a haircut
 Always in the middle of us. 
 Dig Toffee! Dig!

Eating out of Tadpole's hand

I... don't even know where to begin. How do you... express the deep sorrow over your childhood best friend/dog. I've had Toffee since Iwas 7 years old... and now...

Officially, she's missing. But she went missing Friday evening, March 15th. and hasn't been seen since.

What I think happend... Based off a dream I had... She went walking about dusk, when she suddenly had a sezure in the woods. Not being on our property when she finally got over it, she was SO lost... then she was attacked by wild dogs. Dream ended with me arguing with my father. I wanted to get home, he only wanted to go to work... but mid argue, the wolf jumped out of the woods and killed... I won't say.

But How do you... she was my WOLRD! I know she was old. but... oh! After everything I've lost these past 2 years, I didn't want her to be one of them.


Toffee has been with me since I was 7. So there are many lessons I've learned with her at my side, or in direct connection to her.

  1. Be aware of another's need
Toffe had one ear that... didn't stand up right... why? Because when she was about 3 months old I forgot about her being on her leash when it was below freezing. That ear was frost bit. 

2. Laugh at yourself
My favorite memory was when she was little. She'd catch hold of her tail and go round, and round and round. 

3. It's alright to be a girl. 

This was something that happened to her. Prior to this, I was working so hard to outdo the guys. That day, everything changed. After having a real man up helping out with the chores... she managed to get her shoulder slit open on some tin. While the guy had done more that day, than I had all year in the garden... I was the one who stitched her back together. 

4. Don't be afraid to take on something bigger than you are. 

Toffee never knew she was little. Or old.... she took on ANYTHING. She's the one who allerted me to the mountain lion. She'd take on stray dogs... cars, strangers... Never bit anyone... not for show. When she attacked, you KNEW it. 

5. Always look out for others. And pull them away from danger even if it hurts them. 

As I said, Toffee was always becide me. Through my years as a goat heard, while I had rabbits. (She LOVED the rabbits. I could put them down with her and she'd just snuggle them in.) But twice she saved me from snakes. Both poisonous, both times she grabbed my leg and yanked me away when they struck. She knew I was prone to freezing. And she always made sure I was out of the way. 

6. In all things: Be gentle. (you'll get more cookies)

Toffee's favorite way to get her food was for one of the babies to put it in her mouth one piece at a time. She'd just open her mouth, and let you put it on her tounge waiting for your fingers to be a safe distance away. And she'd do this with ALL children. 

7. It's OK to be picky (Just be polite about it) 

That dog, because of her Epilepsy, was always on a strict diet. But when her teeth became loose... she started wanting only soft food. She'd sit there and look at us until we'd put milk on her kibbles. That dog LOVED cerial. 

8. Friendships don't have to be physical. 

Toffee never licked. Part of what we trained into her. But also, with me having SEVERE dog allergies, we almost NEVER touched. She'd come in, lay down beside me then scamper off. 

This also ment she never did learn the definition of come. She came when she chose to. The rest of the time... good luck. 

9. She always came if I cried. 

ALWAYS. The first time she got off her leash I thought she was gone for good. After looking for hours, I broke down crying in the barnyard. She was instantly in my arms. That was always true. If I was hurting, she was with me. My last memory was right before I had to go. She spent that entire time glued to my leg. And I forgot to say goodbye! She didn't touch me... but she was there letting me know she was there. I broke down crying, and she curled up against my back. 

10. She never let moles stay in her yard. 

She LOVED hunting mice and moles. She first figured it out from one of our cats when she was a puppy... after that, she hunted. Remember the first time I walked out into the kitchen and she had  a mole in front of her food dish. Yep... I was mad. We eventually trained her to leave outside... though she always put it in the path. 

11. Dig Toffee! Dig!

First trick she ever learned... only real trick she ever learned. Brilliant dog... and she trained us with it. 

But she LOVED to dig. So the kids trained her to follow a line in the sand to dig tunnels. All you had to do, was tap the ground and she'd go at it. When you were done. You went EEEH! Sit. and she would... normally... actually you had to distract her somewhere else. And hope she didn't see you digging... because then she'd be right back at it. 

12. Tolerate children. 

It wasn't just feeding she tolerated... the only time she EVER bit anyone, was when my cousin stuck her finger up her tail... yeah. I'd bite too. But everything else. She'd just roll with it. 

She loved blankets more than pillows. Being massaged with your feet, Sleeping in the sun... chasing bugs... running... following me while Idid pictures. If I stopped, she'd stand and growl at anyone who came close. If it was a bug... she'd normally eat it. 

I really don't know what I'll do without her. I miss her something awful. I wish SOMEONE would return her body to us so we can at least burry her. But... I doubt that'll happen at this point. I think her coller had her rabies tag on it... but nothing else. 

Another favorite memory, she was the one who introduced me to Vasthi and Vonner my Vultures. She loved those chicks. Stole the eggs at first... then... I think she'd also bring her the dead mice she caught. I'm not sure. 

The only real thing that'd bother me, is at 4AM every night she'd want to go to the bathroom... so she'd stand at the door yipping until someone took her out. At which point somewhere in the house you'd hear. "Someone hush the yip box." 

She had a bark for everything. Yip, was let me out, or in. 

EEHR! Was I'm hurt. 

Awoof! Was new car. come see. 

Woof, woof, woof! GERRRR, Mailman just got out of their car. 

Yip was also hungry... tirsty... and you could go down the list... she'd sneeze when it was a yes. 

Lord... help me through this. I don't know if I can have a new dog now. But oh I want one. Don't let Daddy get rid of her stuff! Bring us her body please. I want to bury my dog. My baby. Even if we are not staying there.  Amen. 

Coming to say hi

And get scratched. 
(Not at all bothered by that cat)

Her Guarding my back while I took picturs. 

So proud of the hole she had dug. 

Thursday, March 15, 2018

A Talk with the Giver

The meadow was a beautiful place here in the center of Ooladada's hills. Giver's hill was the exact location. The Anka's vault could just be seen. I myself was up there storyboarding. I  never really liked talking to my 'friends' when others could hear me... it was odd. But up here, I could talk to them all day long and never feel out of place.

In my mind's eye, I pulled up my current companion. Doofy. Doofy was simply his Nika name... I won't say more because... well I'm not ready to tell you guys here. The Alian's gold eyes and emerald armor shone in the light. "Are you kidding! Kish if I had my way... ya' know... I think I chose to be with you so I had at least chosen something. Some days, I feel like Rapunzel."

My companion laughs. "You are capable..."

A feeling of disappointment and sorrow fill me. I look behind me towards the Anakulen's Vault. Standing beside it I see the Giver. I sigh, dismissing my imaginary friend. I'm not about to continue with this line of thought and walk towards him. "Sir." I begin.

"If only you would talk to me as you would them."

I can feel the pain in his voice. I look at my feet chewing the inside of my lip.

"The keepers, the guards, even the playmates you communicate with freely... and I have to overhear. V...." He walks over, kneeling in the grass in front of me. "Shall we sit? Can we talk? Can I say anything to you?"

"We can I guess... but I don't want to waste your time. There are others."

"Do you think the master of time itself can't find the time to deal with all? You need to talk, so let us sit."

The birds sang around us, the wind whistled through the trees.... and I sat with him in the dew filled grass. "What... what do you want to know?" I stammer unsteadily.

"Listen? Do you hear the birds?" He said to me.

I smiled. "Yes, m'lord. I hear the birds."

"How long will you call me that child? I have made you my own! I do not sit here with you out of duty."

I look away. "It's awkward..."

"It's not normal. Not in your new sense. I did this all the time for Adam and Eve. You talk to your imaginary friends... you WANT to talk to your imaginary friends. Can your small mind not understand this?"

"I'm trying to... My friends are different. I can't offend them. They are just imaginary. They don't exist. I can figure things out before it matters."

"Child... oh my dear child! How long must you suffer? How long must you turn your face from me towards another? Have you made yourself gods of these things? I who've made you, who've raised you out of the multitude, who have chosen to talk to you in this way.... and you turn to an idol?"

"It's not an idol... it's just an imaginary friend."

"Did it come between us?"

I pause gulping. "Not... exactly."

"You know I know everything?"

I bite my lip, my ankulen burning against my forehead. "it's just... it's just... weird... ya' know."

"You've been studying helping those who are trapped in their mind... to communicate, how do you reach them?"

"By joining them in their play..." I say without missing a beat.

"How's that?"

"Don't you know?" I protest.

"I want you to tell me child.... and use my name. The name I told you to call me."

"They are trapped Abba... Daddy... trapped in their minds. But they are trying to reach out. Not always the way we'd accept. But to enter, you must mimic them... join in. If they beat on the table... turn it into a rhythm... or follow the bouncing beat game.... gently of course... don't break anything. Then, slowly they'll open up."

"How is that different than what I'm doing now?"

I snort. "Are you calling me retarded?"

"Are you saying you know the mind of God?" He throws back at me.

I can't help but giggle at this. He gives me a half smile. "I guess to you we are no different than those poor souls with autism. Trapped in their small reality."

"Everyone is trapped in a reality. Just some are smaller than others. Child... oh my darling one. If only you would talk to me as you do your imagination. If only you would cry out to me as you do them. Have I not reached out to you? Have I not spoken to you directly? Child, grow your faith and trust in me. I have set you upon a rock, I have placed my mark upon you. You won't be moved. And you cannot be harmed. If your heart desires it, tell me. Tell me everything. Because I want to grant you everything."

"But you are so much more Lord! Oh, how can I ever treat you as lowly as I these figments of imagination?"

"Do you not treat them as real? I am real, and yet you've set me on a shelf."

"I have not!"

"You've asked me why I've been silent... but when was the last time you talked to me? Open your eyes. And while it is good to have an imagination. I come first. I've written the world into existence. Can I not help you write your own stories? Can I not take what you possess and make it the best you can be. Let me child take your pen, and let this story be mine. Let us together cowrite all things."

"People are going to call me odd...."

"When have people ever been faithful. Don't worry about this generation. It shall be honored here, even if it is despised there. Give me your pen, and let me write through you."

"Lord, I wish to say yes, but I don't know how..."

"Then meditate on my words, and let me teach you. But first, you must learn to talk to me. Then, you can learn to write with me."

"Lord, this is not in me, or of me. Nor of me could it ever be...."

"Let me take the load, and you can do all. You are beautiful. You are kind. You are gentle...."

I feel my cheeks grow hot. "Sir!"

"Are these not the words you make your characters say? Child, you have spiritual eyes that you may see me, a heart that cries for wisdom. You've turned your heart to me that I can speak."

"But my feet run towards the world Lord. There are shiny things I want!"

"Tell me about them, and I will give it to you all that I deem good."

"Lord... sometimes it's awkward.. and I don't always know exactly what it is I want... and...I still don't like asking...."

"Just ask, and I will provide."

"You are good Lord...."

"Child, I am your father, so let me give to you all that which a father would."

"Can you give me more than I can ever need?

"Can you first handle nothing? Can your green pastures be one bite per step?"

"I can try Lord," I reply.

"No, don't try. For your flesh is weak, and you'd never make it. Hold my hand, and let me guide you."

"Like a horse..."

"With the blinders on."

"Still odd."

I hear him laugh beside me. "Don't measure with the flesh that which is of the spirit. When a man comes against you to kill you... let no man question that I have placed my mark on you. You are my child, and I am your Father. I will work great things through you. But first, you must trust. You must Talk. And you must let me write through you."

I blush as I look at my hands. "When I am weak, then I'm strong."

"I've covered you with my feathers, I will shelter you with my wings. This my promise will be your armor. The armor I gave you so long ago. You shall grow, and it shall fit. Go, child, I will be with you."

"Thank you, Abba..." The words, still funny in my mouth slip off my tongue as I rise. He vanishes, not of my will, but the season of sight had ended. I sigh as I walk back down the hill to the portal to reality. Pausing, I look back over my shoulder. "Thank you... I'll try to remember."

"Don't try... Do." his voice is the wind itself whistling over the land.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

So My Computer Has Dyslexia issues...

Yeah, you read that right. My computer not only has dyslexia, it has dyslexia issues... How does this work? Well... let me go back in time a bit.

About a year ago, @Google Docs started having an odd issue. This issue that just drove me crazy. I'd be writing along, but the text, and where the computer THOUGHT the text should be just wasn't lining up. Wasn't too bad writing, but the editing was... if I could avoid it, I did. No matter what I did, NOTHING, literally NOTHING was fixing it. I emailed Google, I put through a complaint... NOTHING literally NOTHING was working. They couldn't figure it out, and neither could I.

The problem wasn't just on one computer, it was on ALL of them. My tablet was fine, but all the computers were affected. Had I messed up a setting? Was it a size issue... maybe I had installed a bug on my computer... nothing, absolutely nothing was fixing it. And then I started asking around. It was a mixed bag, most of them were fine, but there were individuals with this problem as well. Nothing was making sense. After months, I started looking for a new program, anything to replace this buggy system.

Then I solved it.

So last night I was trying to edit a poem on Docs when Open Dyslexic quit working... Must have bumped it or something... instantly the issue resolved. No more errors, the text lined up... and I was able to edit.

Why I didn't think of it sooner? I have no idea. The program must have updated and Google Docs was affected by the update. I'd used the program for a while at that point.

So now, my computer has dyslexia issues...

So, I've informed both companies of the issue, and hopefully, it'll be fixed. But right now, I'm just thankful I know what the issue is, and I can act accordingly.

OD does know about it, and they were really good natured when I let them know. It's a small company so updates are slow. No big deal. Still funny.

I hope you guys got a laugh out of this as I have.

VK out.

Monday, March 12, 2018

Words of Wisdom from Writus.

(This is from the Ooladada seriese. Ooladada is an imaginary world that is shared by christian writers (Anka and Anku) where God has kept sacred the creations of his children. Not all last, some rot over time... but nothing is ever forgotten if it's done in the right heart.)

I, Anka LaVanna' stomp into the Library Behind the Rainbow in a huff. "SERIOUSLY!" I yell at Writus. The guardian pauses, looking down at me, my face all red and puffed up. "SERIOUSLY!"

The old gnome sighs, his green eyes closes as he shakes his head. Taking a breath, he decends the ladder and walks over to where I stand; arms crossed. "First, take a deep breath."

"I'm breathing, now tell me why you let them get rid of my childhood stories without telling me!" I growl down at him. My mind of course goes back to when the little guy was much taller than I was.

"You came to the Library to yell at me for your earth destorying some of your writing." He looks at me with an air of disappointment. "Kathie... oh Kathie look at yourself. Just... look at yourself. You were doing so well."

I pause, not really wanting to listen. "They destoried.... They destroyed... HIDDEN!"

"A story that you need to leave behind."

"But it's importiant!" I protested. "It was a reminder! Not to let my temper to get between me and anyone! How could you take that away!"

"Kathie... We still have it. No, you are not going to get it. Maybe someday you'll be able to write it again. but I've told you. over and over and over again, to let that go."

I stomp my foot growling at him. "But you are supposed to protect our stories! How could you have let this happen?"

"Is my charge your earth? Is the writings of earth of any account? I no more LET your work get destroyed on earth... than I let the Library of Alexandria fall. Is Earth really where you want your books kept? Are any of them safe? No. Paper rots, rock breaks, computers are erased. Blink, and all your hard work is gone... but it's only temporary... it's only Earth. Up here, Yes. Yes it is my duty to keep reccord. I'm to keep this library. You are mixing Earthly and heavenly Kath... Listen to yourself."

I hold his gaze for a moment longer, before bursting into tears. "I lost it... it's gone!"

"I still have it." He reminded me. "And for now, I have it sealed on your shelf. Along with all those stories you threw away because they were not perfect. I have kept every one. Every single one is recorded. Let Go..."

I melt onto the floor, leaning against a bookcase as I cry. "How many more? How many more did I have on Figment before they destroyed them?"

"Several... but the Giver will give you more." he reminded me, walking over and laying a hand on my shoulder as I cried.

"But they were mine!" I sobbed after a while.

"And now they need to go." he repeated.

I could hear in his tone, the loving guardian was disappointed in my selfsh little heart. I... who have been given this opertunity to visit the Library behind the Rainbow... and I was sitting in the middle of the floor throwing a temper tantrum over a lost story... well, not so lost. I still have it in my heart, and with the nature of the library, to record all, past, present, and future stories any Anka or Anku ever writes... the good, the bad, and the ugly.  "I'm an idiot."

The statement sends a smile to his lips. "No, you are just afraid to let go. Change hurts, but to grow, you need to."

"Can't go home, can't drive... and now you rob me of my stories."

He frowns glaring at me. "Anka LaVannan... That was an insult and you know it. I have no more forknowlege than you do. If you want to be mad at someone, yell at God. I'm just a keeper."

"It's still not fair!"

"Who said life was fair?"

"You don't have to live on that blasted Earth." I growl back at him.

He sighs shaking his head. Kneeling beside me he looks me straight in the eye. "You're a hippocrite."

"Tell me something I don't know." I protest.

He shakes his head laughing. "You are more concerned over a PLANT than..."

"Story..." I corrected him. "You're right... I know you are right. I should be blessing God. He's done so much over the past few weeks, and yet..."

Writus nods. "And yet, something this small has thrown you for a loop. It's gone. Accept it and move on. It's done it's job. You HAVE the importiant ones. Anka, you are called to so much more than bellyaching in the middle of my library. So take a deep breath, and do something about it. None of those stories you were ever going to finish. But I reccomend that you save some of your other stuff in other places. And let this remind you... when Mom says back things up... Maybe you should listen."

"Moms are great things..." I hiccup, drying my tears.

"Sure are. Now do your duty and let me get back to work. I've gotten nine million new stories to move from the haven't been written section to the written while you've been crying."

"I'll get out of your way then."

The old man nods. "And Kathie... Chin up. This too will pass."

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Sister, If I could tell you anything


If I could tell you anything
I’d tell you to love the sky.
To look upon its immeasurable depths,
And think of the places to fly

I’d say, dear sis, struggle
Strive each and every day
Allow your heart to fail,
Then allow a breath to pray.

If you could hear my groanings,
I’d tell you to love the WORD.
To love the book so deeply,
That use it as a sword.

If once more I could hold you close,
I’d tell you to read my heart.
I’d open it up before you,
So never again to part.

I’d lead you to adventure,
And watch you make new friends.
I’d hold you if they left you,
And help you try again.

If I could tell you anything,
I'd say to love your foe.
Never count his deeds against him,
And his words, oh let them go.

Dear sis, this world’s not pretty
Give your ear to the wise.
Listen to the counsel of others.
And their word always prize.

Think of all things holy
Oh’ Ponder what is clean
Imagine the best for everyone
While to Jesus you do cling.

I'd tell your heart "Give Freely"
And to God a tenth you earn.
Rejoice this day in his goodness,
And watch the blessings turn.

Forget the world and its sorrow
Don’t let it drag you down
Never stop to dazzle
And the shiny that is around.

Heed not your stuff in your journey
It all will pass away
That doll is dear this moment
But tomorrow might go away.

Don’t take for granted anything.
Not family, not home, not stuff
Your friends are but for a moment.
But to God say “It’s enough.”

God is first in all things.
Then us who’ve been by your side.
The church who is here to guard you
Then the world goes to the side.

Honor all men in accordance.
Not one is purely whole.
Not a soul can measure your standard
So be gentle with every soul.

Be wise as you dress this morning,
Honor your body as well
This is the tent that you carry,
Until the glories, you’ll tell.

Oh how I wish I could tell you
Of all that I’ve seen and I’ve heard
To let you partake of my wisdom
Without the scars that I’ve born

If only you could just know
You’d end up better than I.
My heart would rejoice in this victory
But you’d never understand why.

It’s easy for me to share knowledge
But wisdom you’ll have to win.
Dear sis this is my glory
The wisdom and all of its blends.

How I wish this was easy.
But no, you’ll suffer each day.
The more that you are foolish
The more it’ll get in your way.

So heed your heart to wisdom
And learn it’s every cry.
Respect the ones who are older
And ones who understand ‘Why.’

Listen not to me only.
For I’m not much more than you.
Search, seek and discover,
The vastness of the blue.

Oh, Turn your eyes to the heavens.
Count their every light.
If each of these has a number,
How can’t you be bright?

Failure is in surrender,
Defeat is but in death.
Believe and pray wholly,
And then fold your hands and rest.

Rest dear sis when you’re tired.
For you are crying for help.
Don’t push until you keel over,
Or a blow you are dealt.

So fly with the wings of an eagle,
And run on the feet of a deer.
Endure your daily sorrow
To rest draw yourself near.

So much more I would tell you
If only I knew what to say
But here I’d say is the bedrock
Of Life, in its infinite ways.


Like a shattered mirror,
I stand before,
Like a little piece,
Before the whole

The frame was there,
But not much else,
What once was glass,
Now turns to dust. 

Sand it was,
And so is now,
The mirror's face,
The reflection is gone. 

A kick, and a whack, 
To this, it did stand,
A push and a shove,
And it's gone as sand.

When the first crack?
Oh, who can say? 
It started out small
And grew away.

The mirror shattered
its face was split
It's identity's baffled,
It's honor rent. 

"Which is me?"
And it all cries the same
As it looks to its pieces 
And fears the shame.

The shatter has happened,
it's all been rent,
Now to puzzle the pieces,
Without a hint. 

The Obstacle Course Mall

The other night I had a dream, that in all honesty really fits my current mindset.

Let me first set up the location. It's a place I visit a LOT in my dreams. This is not your normal mall. It's more of a trap than anything else. Probably wasn't at first, but after watching Hunger Games, and Star Trek, American Ninja Warier, it's become a bit more.

This mall was designed with teens in mind. Bit of shopping, but also places to gather, and compete. The first floor is your mall, sectioned off into areas by store type, or product. Sometimes it's by brand... The second is where the employees, and homeless live.

In fact, that was the first dream, all those years ago, where I was an orphan... and that's where Kendra and I lived. Most of that was dodging workers, and equipment designed to clean. Also, it dealt with the strict rules of the world.

The second dream that comes to mind. (There have been MANY more) I was with a group, and our goal was to get through the four quadrants, grabbing all the flags, and exit before Midnight, when they were planning on setting the bears lose... I'd just read Catching Fire. This dream really set up how the mall was built. And I got to know it quite well... my teammates were... one couldn't talk, another kept falling asleep, and the third kept breaking the rules. So we did a LOT of backtracking.

So round three, this dream was I was a customer; had my family with me, and we were... just enjoying ourselves. Biggest stressor was trying to keep up with 20 cousins, and... everyone else while also letting the boys enjoy the more challenging aspects of the Mall. It's honestly kinda fun. Man, I wish I could go in real life. Three Grubs, Po, Mistro, and I spent much of our visit traversing between the quadrants. I spent time with the girls in the dress shop with the state of the art dressmaker machine. A security design thing... but it takes a picture of your body type, then you can from there design how you want an outfit to look. When you are done designing your new clothing, you just hit the button, it goes to a machine in the back where it's made, and within half an hour, your article is finished. While we were waiting, we went and joined the hip-hop central. A large circle where teens gather to just... dance. Music is playing, sometimes there is a teacher who's instructing the dance. You just come and go how you like.

Getting to the end of the 'day' the lights started to dim in the section we were at. "Go around, or go through the swinging towers." I asked mom.

She looked at me with this pitiful look. "Can't we just go around. I'm not sure I'll fit." Don't blame her. That one was a tight bottomless tunnel. Pegs on either side, and you had to traverse it. Net below, but tricky. I, at this point, wasn't exactly all that keen on testing my strength one more time. So I agreed with mom, and we just went out the side door with everyone else. The boys were all disappointed, but the girls were on board with us.

The side door opened up into a dimly lit garden. Beautiful area during the day, but at night... haunting. We all, us, and everyone with the same mindset as us, venture out onto the sidewalk. We make our way around to the next door. This one, a sliding one is wizzing open and shut, open and shut at a blinding rate. Eatch time it closes, it resounds with a mighty clash shaking the entire area.

"I'd risk it." Grub 2 says. "Looks like fun."

Tadpole, climbing into the wagon yawns. "I think I'd rather just go home, I'm tired."

Kendra looks worried. "I'm not sure V. Seems like the parking lot is threatening to turn into a lava field... do you really want to go out there?"

And so ended my dream.

This is more my imagination than anything, emotional state. The mall represents the world and the possibilities. But it's dangerous as much as it's adventurous. And I'm teetering on many choices.

I hurt, I really don't want to try anything more right now. Really hurt. And to jump back in, I'd be jumping back into the pummeling effect of those doors. I could, I really could do it. But I do have other choices.

I could leave... but that again is a lava field of unknowns. I've not ventured from the mall before. First time I've ever seen the outside of it to be honest. I don't know WHAT would happen.

I could join tadpole in the wagon and just camp out overnight until it's over. Wait for the mall to return to its happy self-come morning. I don't have to venture the dangers of its night self.

There is a lot of amazing aspect of this particular location of my dream world, it's fun, adventurous, full of possibilities. Just an amazing, amazing setting.


VK Signing out.

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Things I enjoy

As a challenge, I was asked to put down what I enjoy. Alright... actually positive things going on in my life. But with life taking a tailspin in a direction opposite of where I want to go, that's out on its ear for the time being. I can't see a blessed thing that's good about any of this. It's probably the betrayal speaking but I think I can give a list of things I enjoy doing. 

  • Writing: Doesn't really matter what about. Not that I'd ever show you guys MOST of what I write. After this past year, sharing is not enjoyable anymore, but I do still love to write. 
  • Music: I play 3 instruments. And can handle 3 more if I sit down and work with them. 
  • Dance: Mostly I do line dancing, or traditional. But I've yet to learn any ballroom stuff. I just LOVE the challenge of it. I love the freedom of it. I would never marry a man I couldn't dance with. The flow of the music, then trying to express the piece. My back feels better, I move easier, and I sleep better.
  • Gaming: Mostly it seeks and find games, but I have the other stuff I enjoy. Most of those it's for the story and the challenge of the game itself. Once the challenge is gone, I quit. I play to escape. Same reason I do theater or read. But being extremely dyslexia, reading is sometimes beyond me. But only really something I can play while listening to something else. 
  • Photography: It's what other's don't see. I like taking pictures of things other people would never notice, or at an angle that nobody would consider. 
  • Painting: I'm a lot out of practice on this one. Mostly space issue. Hard when life is cluttered. But I like painting, Acrylic... some watercolor. Animals, and action, and been practicing with people is my favorite.
  • Solitude: I never like to be completely alone. Or out of contact with someone, but I do enjoy the quiet of just me. It's perfect for studying... whatever catches my interest that day, be it most iconic pranks; to where did the zodiac come from and does it have anything to do with science; Colors and how we respond to them; to, which came first, the fruit or the color. (Fun Fact, prior to Orange the fruit being introduced to England, the color was called Yellow-Red.)   
  • Listening: Mostly stories, but I'll listen to anything interesting, only if, however, I can paint at the same time. 
  • Shopping: Mostly because that means a long walk. It's more fun when you have money, and it's not crowded. But it's fun to watch people and what they choose to get. 
  • Guess I ought to do one more and make this list 10... let's see... Sewing and Beadwork. Not at the Never tried to put beads on a dress, but I enjoy making outfits for the kids complete with necklaces. 
So 10 things I enjoy doing. Not exactly one to ten, but it's a list. 

So with that said. 

VK out. 

Monday, June 12, 2017

Lilla Rose Hair Review

First, I want to thank Mrs. Love for allowing me to test one of the products from Lilla Rose. And I've been pleasantly impressed with the product I chose.

A family friend back in early spring put out a blurb that if we did a review of the product, she'd send one for us to try. I agreed, though with everything going on in my life, I ask forgiveness for taking so long to getting to the post. But it's given me extra time to play with it in many different ways, and types of hair.

(If I remember right they make these from recycled broken piano strings. But I can't find where I was told that.)

After scouring the website, I fell in love with the Cora, A nice soft purple color with an easy to use bronze clasp. It took a few tries for me to do it without dropping the thing, but once I got the hang of slipping it into my hair, I could do it one handed. It matched my Easter Dress nicely and got many comments on how cute it was.

Easter Hairstyle

I was expecting it to be more pink, and less purple. But I can count that to computer coloring that we all are very familiar with. So style and functionally it definitely did its job. 

Now as I said, I've got FRAIL hair. And while it didn't break it as bad as many other hair pieces, this does still break my hair. Hair does tend to get stuck in the beads, and end pieces which I should have expected. There are ones with less of those details so probably wouldn't pull as bad. 

Versatility... I got a size small. So for my normal hairstyle of pulling it back in a pony and just trying it holds it just fine, But I can't double my hair, or just do a portion. But since most of the time when I wear it I am trying to dress up my braid or something like that, it's not a huge issue. But if you plan to do buns, go with the extra large. 

And as far as just holding a ponytail goes, it didn't slide at first, but after wearing it every day for a month, it does. So over time, it does lose some of its tension. But as I said, I can still use it to hold a ponytail. I just have to remember it's back there or I'll lose it. 

On to everyone else. 

My little sister (age 7) HATED it. I couldn't keep it in her hair for more than an hour before she wanted it out. And that's after it slipping out five times. 

My elder sister Kendra has nice, thick, curly hair that is very coarse. And for her, she could get it to do anything. She was VERY happy with it. and probably will get her one eventually. 

More than likely this one 

Mom's hair which is thinner than mine was a complete no go. It couldn't clasp at all. 

Star's hair ((Age 9)Thicker than mine, but almost as slick) For her it worked nicely. Being worn on a Sunday morning for church it lasted the entire morning before she returned it to me safely. Being used as a ponytail. 

(I'm not that creative when it comes to styles. 

Would I get another one? Yes. But probably I'd get one of the leather ones. 

Or maybe a hair band, or bobby pins. 

Overall I like the products. I have some petty nitpicks, like the wire not staying firm for longer. But shoot I wore it nearly every day for a month. And this is obviously supposed to be more dressy for special occasions. So I give it four stars out of five. I'm happy with it, but not over the top estatic. 

Thank you so much, Mrs. Love, for allowing me the opportunity to try this product. 

Cowgirl Out. 

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