Monday, October 3, 2016
So... Where have I been?
One day turns into two, turns into a week, months... then finally you find it's been years. I sit at my desk just looking at this blank page, my stomach churning to figure out where to begin.
I'm not the same person who left here. I'm a leader. I'm a teacher. I'm a poet... and I'm a high school graduate. I'm an artist...
There is a big part of me that doesn't want to do anything here. Not right now anyways. This year I've been bashed by Satan so much that I would much rather duck my head inside the hole and leave it there. But to be honest, that wouldn't be me. To hide from my issues isn't the way I am. I once did. I once would brush things under the rug, try to hide my faults from others... but that isn't what God wants. So I'll strive, I'll press on.
The past three years I took a step back. I had another blog completely invisible to the rest of you that I have been using to figure out MY voice. I didn't want to forever be Kendra's little sister. I wanted to be ME. I wanted people to see me for who I was.
So who am I? I don't think anyone can ever pin that down. How do you catch a cloud and pin it down? Well, in fantasy you could always just say that you have wings and people with wings can just do that... but this is the real world folks. It doesn't just work that way.
So right now, I'm not going to tell you, but if I can keep on top of this too... on top of leading an art group with 23 members, co-hosting a radio show where we review fan fiction and go on what works, and what doesn't. Teach two subject, write probably 20-50 hours a week, (Transcribing and stories) play the piano and violin. as well as try to keep on top of the normal house chores. If I can juggle it, I'll try to also start posting here again as well.
Sometimes I see the scared little girl I've always been. The child within a great storm with the rain beating on her... lost within the storm and only wanting the comfort of her father. Other times I see in myself the woman I've become. Whatever this is.
So, with the storm around me, and the lion within... I'm going to keep pressing. Despite the storm, despite the snares. The only way out is up. The only way out is to fight your way out.
Right now, I'd rather bury this blog and my friends, and family away. Hiding under a nice warm blanket until Satan leaves me alone. But that will only allow him to win.
So with that said, you guys should expect posts again... I'm keeping a log, so if I don't spend time in some area of what I need to be doing, I'll be able to see it.
This is VK signing out.